Love is Hard....

"Compassion and Love are precious things in life. They are not complicated.They are simple, but difficult to practice". Dalai Lama

That got me thinking.. How do we practice being loving and compassionate? Simple daily acts of random kindness? Telling someone out loud that we love them ? Giving up are spare time to help others? Being a shoulder to cry on when a friend is in need?
I started thinking about all this a few days ago when a close friend called out and needed someone to listen. This situation wasn't unusual. We often will talk about what is on our minds and give each other the best advice that we have to offer. But something this time was different in the tone of the conversation. This time i really felt that my friend needed someone, not just to talk. But that she really wanted to hear some advice.....she obviously was very upset and really needed to talk. I really felt that i needed to be there with her and i couldnt.
Ok, Warning to anyone that doesnt want to read any "sob story" about the complications of relationships, even more when it involves mormons and marriage..X MY BLOG AT THIS POINT..
but.. i am going to moan for the next 10 minutes about how much dating REALLY pisses me off right now..im sorry for that mild use of language but it is just so perfect. Im totally exasperated.
We meet people and who knows if men do it too, but I can say with 100% certainty that girls get caught up easily sometimes and with all nievety we day dream of what could be, we trick ourselves into thinking that we are in love and we live out the happy couple fantasies in our heads as we sit on the train or bus in a morning on the way to college or work.
The one problem is that most of us are day dreaming about people that we have only met but are not actually dating. Why are we not dating our dream man then ?
Because we are not honest, we are scared of looking stupid or of having the wrong idea and so we spend weeks, months or maybe even longer waiting for that perfect moment when we will tell our secret loves everything we feel. But we never do.
Why do guys circle around saying nothing when they really want to ask them out? For all us Mormons, dating is such a normal part of our society, so why is it so hard for us?
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. We have so many oppurtunities to meet different kinds of people and start relationships even if only great friendships that never turn into any romance. But we are we not taking the oppurtunities that we have and instead sitting around, single and wishing that we hadnt "Played it cool" throughout our twenties.. and now at the age of 28 we are on the so called "scrap pile" of over aged singles.
I always wonder why some of my amazing friends at the age of 31 and older have never dated anyone seriously, are not married and not anywhere near being married anytime soon.
Im talking about amazingly intelligent, witty, funny, cultured, well travelled people who are always willing to try something new. But why is it always the short blonde that lists her favourite music as "Nsync" and "Kelly Clarkson" as thier favourite music and thier favourite activites as "Shopping" ?.. Osea..HELLO !?
After realising that guys at church never paid any attention to me i stopped caring. I would go to dances with my friends and nothing. Ever.
Today i asked a married friend why he thought that was and he told me that i was liked by alot of guys but they found me intimidating and didnt know what to say. This was a huge suprise to me.
Fair enough, thats a reason and i would agree that i am not the typical church girl at dances. I would imagine how people would feel it hard to randomly start talking to me, but then i thought NO... no more rubbish about being nervous or intimadated. We need to just get on with it.
The second problem that my friends and i seem to have is distance.
I for one have been badly burned by a long distance relationship but i really think that we need to be more open to the idea of getting to know more people no matter where they are from or where they live.
My best friend has recently met a guy she was talking to for a while after a brief meeting through church. She went to his city with high expectations after conversing with him daily for hours for the past year or so and genuinely thought that there could be some chance of this turning into something of a romance or even more. I can honestly say that i expected it too.
After meeting the guy she told me how sad she was that nothing seemed to be as she expected and my simple advice was that she needed to be honest with him about her feelings so she wasnt wondering and the guy would then be able to respond. Honestly i hope.
I know how hard that will be for her to do and i imagine that it would be maybe embarrassing and difficult for myself to do something like that.
As ridiculous and pathetic as it is. Im completely in awe of a guy i met briefly once who lives a hundreds of miles away from me. We get on great, he is flirtatious and complimentary, a true gentleman but now i am beginning to feel some strong desire to get to know him better and i would be being dishonest if i didnt really wish that there was some way to start a more formal relationship with the guy. Its painfully obvious how much i am into him although maybe he doesnt see or, maybe he doesnt want to see it... but the thought of rejection if i told him honestly how i felt... is just horrifying.
Americans never consider us as a real option as, and quite rationally, the realise that dating someone that they dont live close too seems to have an ending even before a beginning. Doomed to fail. Or is it?
For the first time in my life, i am genuinely annoyed about being single. Theres nothing that i can do about it which is the most ridiculous part but with the millions of people out there to choose from..where are there so many of us single.
The guy i really like is approaching 30. I suprises me how a guy like him could have got to that age without being married by now but i have noticed that all these guys with something interesting to say, the one's that are well travelled, intelligent, they are all 29+ and not just unmarried but not even dating. Why ?
I asked a friend from my old ward in London why he was 30 and still single. "Too many years of playing it cool when i was in my twenties" was his reply. He told me "I never imagined to be 30 and still single". Do any of us imagine that? I dont think so... but it seems to be a product of our own doing completely. Atleast from the guys part.
Guys, why dont you just open your mouths and be honest. I hate to sound arrogant, but there are plenty of girls to choose from.. i know for sure that i myslef and my friends are far from unattractive and someone could do alot worse. So why are we all single?
What do we need to do to get your attention or to let you know what you need to before you make a move? I really wish that i knew as i really would rather be having conversations with my friends about there great dates and boyfriends other than the lack of.
As for my Mr Perfect. I will just sit and wait for a few minutes on that one. It will take me a while to pluck up the courage but sometime soon i will find out what the deal is... its wierd.. my little friend got me thinking about all this and especially this one guy...
Its ridiculous that i can have such a strong feeling for someone that a hardly know. But this guy really is a "catch" as they say. Intelligent, well travelled, intriguing, speaks many languages, he is funny and witty, kind and overly polite. A real prince charming and even if i will rationally say that i am not "in love" with him...i am simply in awe of this man.. crazy to think that he probably is clueless... Maybe we all have our secret admirers lusting for us in far off lands, or maybe just around the next corner.
I hope that they all get a happy ending soon. Sorry for my ramble.. this is just what i was thinking about over the past few days and it probably doesnt even make sense...
GUYS, SPEAK UP ! SAY WHAT YOU ARE THINKING EVEN IF ITS NOT WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR!! PLEASE!!